get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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