That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
