Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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