Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
look no pants
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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