First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
