Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
