I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
