Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
