I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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