fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize