how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
