you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
try to milk me bitch
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