The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
