She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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