just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
