Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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