party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
