If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
