She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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