Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
