girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
