My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
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We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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