No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
