your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
