i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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