I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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