I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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