I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
