it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
