true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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