God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
