im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
