Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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