I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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