I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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