her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
