I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
