New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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