Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
