I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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