a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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