I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
honey bunches of taint.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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