i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
