she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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