doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
