I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
