I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
