brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
