I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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