when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
