don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
