Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
