really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
