My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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