Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
