this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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