god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
