I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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