Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
