I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
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MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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