they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize