dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
