That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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