Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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