You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
