Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
