you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Houston, we have a blender
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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