I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
