If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
