i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
